What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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