youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
