I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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