I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
