Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
