your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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