smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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