just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
