from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
