woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
