I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
