His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
