AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
