Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
