I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
