honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
