Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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