Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
