I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
