I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
