Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
