don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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