i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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