Porn is love you can see.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
