there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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