in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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