you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
