in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
