He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
