so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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