i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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