Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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