I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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