Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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