What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
