i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
