Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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