You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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