She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
