I'm going to jail i love you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
