Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
