put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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