I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
