I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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