yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
