I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had sex on a roof
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
