I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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