I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
