Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Still dying that you shit outside
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
