I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
