im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
