There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
