i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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