Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
