I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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