singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
