Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
