i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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