I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he thought i was a dude.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
