literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
