how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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