I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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