how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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