The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
