So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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