He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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